I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
