the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
