you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
