Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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