Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
