are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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