So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
