The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
