I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
