we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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