Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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