Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
