when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
