i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
