Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You are a genius and a whore.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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