I don't remember. Are we still dating?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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