what day is it and did you see me today?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
