The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
