He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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