dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
