i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
