apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
