somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
