I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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