I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
