I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
