i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
