thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I want is dick and wine.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
