and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
