My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
