All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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