sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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