I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
