I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
