yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I must be too annoying 4 u.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
