Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
