Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
