I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
