You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize