I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
