Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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