i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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