ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
