honey bunches of taint.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize