I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
