We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
