Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
