i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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