tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
