i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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