Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
as a side note pls kill me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
