i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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