She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
