The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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