Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
