I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
