In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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