Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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