Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
