I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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