I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
