So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize