There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize