If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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