Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
