He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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