guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think your dad took our porno
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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